For the sinner in me, I seek a higher light

Kofi Fosu Forson

Under the weather of all the sorrows of tomorrow, from whom may I borrow faith and trust
Let alone free myself of this shame and disgust as the sky has emptied itself of rain water
Now become a daunting space overlooking me weak, worrisome and spent

What God would want me in heaven? Why should I care the sun has yet to declare itself hopeful,
Loving and sheltering as my hands grow cold. Not a thing I wear brings me to dare think I’ll be free
Of this misery, sadness and torment hanging above me, weakening my soul, causing me to lose control

Many months now I crawl into bed after walking back and forth within this four walled dark room
With a window big enough to fit my head and so I stretch out to look see what I could find in the world
But all I see is a field with no trees, nothing to see just a dump with mounds of sand

I come from a country of three, I, myself and me. And within this living tree, there are no grandfathers
Or fore-fathers of history. The person I was before has been wiped clean from this earth leaving me
To exist in this space and time. And to this I say I am the president of my pain, governor of no gain

There are those days when captivating sunshine pours through, washes over me and I’m forced to think
In the eye of this sun is a force, an almighty force that is God, a reality unbeknownst to me but as I sit,
Kneel, fall on my face I am overwhelmed because I sense newness, a hope for a life to come

And so I wait for those days, times of uncontrollable light that fills me, turns my thoughts around
From the sinner in me, the person living in bondage, bound by hopelessness with no concerns
For the future or the life to come. But on the times I sense that light I know of a world that waits for me
And so I learn to dream, quiet and alone my thoughts turn to love, the love in me. What is this love?
It is the energy that builds in me over time spent wanting, wishing for something, someone, anyone.
But I know it is not just a person, place or thing I seek. It is not the pleasures of the world I want

Who I seek is God. And who is God? He is my source of light. He is the greatness I give of myself.
He is overwhelming. Man above me. Power I live for. Voice I hear. To him I call. With him I stand tall.
So look for the light. Speak to it. Find the eye in its center. Let it watch over you. Let it be your guide

My mind is taking me to the world outside. I am becoming, turning into a symbol of love and hope.
I am sensing bountiful love. It fills my heart. It may lead me to love another. But until the day I fall in love
I’ll be generating love from my heart, spinning on the axis of my true identity, living a day at a time